Fear and Trembling

I was blessed as a young man in my late teens to know a saint that
really knew the Lord, and through praying with and talking to
her I came to know something of working out my salvation with fear
and trembling. One day after speaking with her at length she said
"I feel like I need to take a bath after talking with you sometimes"
I felt great shame but it was a word that changed my walk.
I was young in the Lord and full of zeal so I had a scripture for
everyone and many ideas of how to advance Gods work.
As I witnessed the life of the Lord flowing through her as she spoke
to others in our church I realized that there was something very different
in her walk and mine. She was often quiet and spoke with few words but it was always
as if a light came on in the heart of those listening. These were people that she had
prayed for as we prayed together often. The words that were spoken
were not just scriptures and ideas but "spirit and life". She truly
feared to operate independently of the Lord. She said "we not only take
the bad parts of us to the cross but the good parts as well"
All our good ideas for service, All our understanding of the scriptures.
God revealed to me that much of my service had been separate from His Life.
The difficulty is that we have closed areas in our hearts,
where we think with pride that we are right. Our defeat lies not only in our
being wrong but continuing to work for the Lord (from our soul)
rather than with Him (through our spirit).
Working out our own salvation with fear and trembling is something we ask the Lord to
do in us. It is when we truly despair of a lifeless walk and know the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
We then begin to know the fear of the Lord and mourn many of our words and our works.
That kind of fear is the beginning of wisdom as His life begins to
flow through us. Christ is our light. He is the living Word. If we allow
Him to illuminate our heart then gradually our self confidence will
disappear. His words to our heart will divide "soul from spirit"
We will know fear and trembling as we recognize the corruption of our
nature, the hatefulness of our own selves, and the real hindrance to
the work of God is our unrestrained soul-life and energy. May we remain
In a posture of fear and trembling before the Lord and seek Him as never
before and take the things that are revealed to His cross to be put to death
that we may serve in the newness of His Resurrection Life.
　
"The fear of the Lord leads to life" (Proverbs 19:23)

Php 2:12 JM-NT And as my loved ones, according as at all time (always) you
folks submissively listen and obey, not as only in my presence, but further,
now (at this moment), to much rather in my absence -- in company with fear and trembling
be habitually working down so as to bring out the results and effects of the deliverance
(or: be constantly producing the wholeness and well-being which are the outcome
of the rescue and salvation) of yourselves,
Php 2:13 JM-NT for, God is the One habitually being inwardly active, working (effecting)
within you folks both the willing (intending; purposing; resolving) and the [situation] to be
continuously effecting the action and inward work -- above the thing that pleases (or: over well-thinking or delight).