I dont understand my feelings

Sometimes I have a test of faith as I mature in God. He doesn't ask me to understand Him. but He understands me perfectly. I don’t always understand Him. but I love Him anyway. Sometimes He is very difficult to understand, and I say, "Lord don’t look at my tears. Please, look at me, in here, the part that is saying, Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord." You know.... The Lord has a right to leave us without a touch of His Presence for days or weeks at a time. We can have communion without any emotional reaction. We pay a price for every last thing we get from God. He is not going to baby us. We have to learn that, and that isn't pleasant...But God is doing something hidden deep on the inside of us. Then out of our heart comes, "The Lord is wonderful! He IS wonderful!" The further we go on in God, the less He is going to honor that field of the emotions. We have to learn to walk with the Lord without His conscious Presence, which is very terrifying. Less and less are we dependent on our old patterns and ways. How can faith develop if He is going to humor us along all the time? In those difficult places we will never be able to synchronize the state in which we are moving with our fluctuating emotions. They don't always flow together. We are seeking to have our emotions run parallel with our experience. What we are becoming is much more important than what we are feeling. There is a rest that we enter into. There is a capacity to function in the spirit that is being wrought in us. "Thank You Lord for the dealings that You have brought into my life, so on "that day" I will know and be known." Thank You Lord for Your peace that passes right by all my understanding !